The Heart of Life is Good

"No, it won't all go the way it should

 But I know the heart of life is good"

This post has been a long time coming. Believe me, this isn't easy for me to write or put out there for everyone to see. But, I know this is a step in the right direction and it will aid me in accepting the current situation my family and I find ourselves in. 


As you may or may not have noticed, in the past few months there hasn't been much activity on this blog. The main reason is because most of our focus has been on our son, Ryker. You see, my little man has had some set backs and we are working on them. Since his 1 year check-up with his Pediatrician in California, we have been spending much of our time trying to figure out how to help him. 


So, about 1 week after we arrived in Minnesota, I contacted the local Early Intervention Program and they started the intake/evaluation process rather quickly. This was the first step in what has become a very long and trying journey. Ryker has significant developmental delays in his speech and fine motor skills. He also has some sensory issues. So, since September he has been receiving Occupational Therapy and Speech Therapy on a weekly basis. We have seen some improvement, but as a mother I was still very concerned. The "A" word [Autism] had been thrown around every now and then since his 1 year check up, and at his 18 month well-check he failed the MCHAT (screening tool used for Autism). The pediatrician strongly recommended we get Ryker formally assessed for Autism, since his MCHAT showed he was very high risk. 


I cannot tell you what a struggle it has been to deal with this news. No one ever wants to hear that their child may have Autism. It is a terrifying word. I was horrified--hell, I still am. I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm sad. But, I'm hopeful. I am now an advocate for my son and have spent endless hours on the phone with Autism Center's and Specialty Centers trying to find the right people to do the diagnosis evaluation. We are on waiting lists for the eval--some of them as long as a year. 


I am also blessed for the amazing support I have found in other mother's of autistic children. They assure me that my feelings are normal and that one day I will find acceptance. I don't feel so alone when I can relate to other mom's who are living what I am living. 


Sometimes I wonder why I was chosen to be Ryker's mom--it is such a challenge and some days I just feel like I can't do it. It's too hard. It's like the lyrics to the song "Breath of Heaven": "Do you wonder as you watch my face/If a wiser one should have had my place?/But I offer all I am/ For the mercy of Your plan/ Help me be strong/Help me be/Help me..." But, then I realize that I am his mom because I love him more than anyone will ever know. I will fight for him harder than anyone else can. He is my little man! 


So, now that I have unveiled Ryker's struggle, I hope you will continue to follow us on this journey and rejoice in the accomplishments that may seem small for a normal child, but are huge for him!